I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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