my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am naked and annoyed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
