What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
