I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at about main and main street
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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