Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
her vagine was all disorganized.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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