it hurts more in the daytime
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize