Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
