Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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