That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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