Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
