I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
