i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
