I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's the barista slut.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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