I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
