I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
