Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize