My first STD was from a foam party
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
