D3 body, D1 cock
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize