why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
