Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
