Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize