I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
