The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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