after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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