I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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