Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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