I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
