i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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