I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
