Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
