3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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