she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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