forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
