i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
