My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize