i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
