This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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