Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
