so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize