She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
