yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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