Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
