I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
