I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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