$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
