So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
