i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
