Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize