you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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