She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
