I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
