i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I could fuck to npr.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
