note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize