Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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