if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
