you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize