im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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