That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
