I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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