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just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
