You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
as a side note pls kill me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize