dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
