This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
