I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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