You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
