Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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