"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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